Monday, December 26, 2005
It starts out with a billionaire badass who likes to hunt exotic animals with his fellow badasses. So he gets a giant military developed python… why the military wants a giant python *shrug*. Now the billionaires crew were a bunch of losers who were trying as hard as they possibly could to act tough, well except for one of the dudes son who was acting as hard as he could to act stupid for comic relieve I guess. Oh yeah, billionaires girlfriend has a gratuitous nudity scene towards the beginning of the movie and then wears camouflage that Lora croft would approve of. So those are the ruthless bunch of thugs and with all of them combined they managed to kill an FBI agent (who was mistaken for a GIANT SNAKE by a SNIPER) and burn a bunch of military guys who deserve to be burned alive by just standing there.
So the python is loose and biting people in half and so the FBI decides to use a giant boa constrictor to kill the python. Lucky for them there is just such a guy who has a giant boa. Enter hot girl that rigs the boa up with tracking devices and who can hold her breath for hours and who keeps saying “my implants” and a boa constrictor owner and we have a bad movie.
Boa fights with python couple of times, billionaire is arrested only to sneak away from an army base with a big army vehicle (the keys were probably in the visor) and then snakes make their way to a night club. Then finally we have a final battle between boa, python, billionaire, boa owner, hot girl, and a subway train. Results: bad movie. Well the subway train runs over giant python and his head gets ripped off but not before billionaire gets his head ripped off. All horror is now over. No more 30 year old teenagers necking in the woods will be killed and pleasured by 100 foot long python snakes. By the way, there were never apache helicopters anywhere in the movie!
- Python snake actually eating a girl out in the woods, and the girl not knowing her boyfriend was replaced by a giant snake.
- The group of badasses walking in a line in slow motion to show their badassness.
- One of the bad guys trying to throw a grenade and throws it at his own feet.
- An oversized 20 mph speed limit sign on the side of a highway.
- The fact that "just outside of Philadelphia" is in the middle of the desert.
Its totally open for BVP2.
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