Monday, December 26, 2005


  • Boa vs Python
  • Alright there are bad movies then there are horrendous movies and then there is Boa vs Python. If this movie was not a Sci-Fi original, I’m not sure what would be. First off, let’s start with the cover of the movie. It shows two snakes battling it out in the middle of a city with a apache helicopter firing missiles at them. Now let’s fast forward to what actually happened.
    It starts out with a billionaire badass who likes to hunt exotic animals with his fellow badasses. So he gets a giant military developed python… why the military wants a giant python *shrug*. Now the billionaires crew were a bunch of losers who were trying as hard as they possibly could to act tough, well except for one of the dudes son who was acting as hard as he could to act stupid for comic relieve I guess. Oh yeah, billionaires girlfriend has a gratuitous nudity scene towards the beginning of the movie and then wears camouflage that Lora croft would approve of. So those are the ruthless bunch of thugs and with all of them combined they managed to kill an FBI agent (who was mistaken for a GIANT SNAKE by a SNIPER) and burn a bunch of military guys who deserve to be burned alive by just standing there.
    So the python is loose and biting people in half and so the FBI decides to use a giant boa constrictor to kill the python. Lucky for them there is just such a guy who has a giant boa. Enter hot girl that rigs the boa up with tracking devices and who can hold her breath for hours and who keeps saying “my implants” and a boa constrictor owner and we have a bad movie.
    Boa fights with python couple of times, billionaire is arrested only to sneak away from an army base with a big army vehicle (the keys were probably in the visor) and then snakes make their way to a night club. Then finally we have a final battle between boa, python, billionaire, boa owner, hot girl, and a subway train. Results: bad movie. Well the subway train runs over giant python and his head gets ripped off but not before billionaire gets his head ripped off. All horror is now over. No more 30 year old teenagers necking in the woods will be killed and pleasured by 100 foot long python snakes. By the way, there were never apache helicopters anywhere in the movie!

    Memorable Moments:

    by UberRed

    Correction...All horror is NOT over. If you remember, the boa was pregnant and they found the eggs down in the train depot.

    Its totally open for BVP2.
    well they went back down there to take care of that, but your right they could hatch in a couple of hours. one other note, the hot girl that keep saying "my implants" was jamie bergman. so hot!
    Funnily, SciFi had Snake movie day on Christmas. So I was able to share in the horror.
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