Tuesday, December 06, 2005

 

  • Two Minute Warning
  • Where to begin with this star studded movie. Let’s start with the fact that there are about 5 characters you follow for the first 90min. of this movie, having nothing in common besides all going to the “championship football game”. One of the characters was the “star” quarterback, who looked more like a retired porn star of the late 70’s, but hey I guess in 1979 a 54 year old quarterback with more chest hair than my ex-roommate Steve (inside jokes are great) was normal I don’t know I wasn’t born yet. A family of four was also attending the game. A fun loving family with eyes set wide on having a good time, and the kids keep saying they want this and that and vendors pushing their programs and hats and the dad saying no. Finally, one of the kids tells the vendor “Dad lost his job and we don’t have any money.”, and the dad turning around and giving the son a backhand to the chest that Owen Hart would be proud of.

    Anyways, all the other characters have their little story, and let’s not forget the movie opens looking through a riffle scope of a sniper and he takes out a bike rider. Then he stands up and yells “BOOM HEADSHOT!!”… no wait that was some moron playing a video game. Well this sniper goes to the championship game and decides to shoot people there; I think maybe he was going to shoot the president or something, who cares really. This movie is 126 minutes long. One hundred and twenty-six minutes long. He shoots most of the characters they spent so much time talking about, and Charlton Heston saves the day. He really did he was the super cop. So all in all, a lot of people died and the writers of the movie didn’t know how to explain why the sniper did what he did, so the got inventive and decided to just not tell. UberTom says “it’s because his mom didn't change his diaper, and his teacher didn't call on him." Whatever you want to believe. Did I mention this movie was 126 minutes long?


    Memorable Moments
    •Dad hitting his poor little child.
    •A 56 year old “Star” quarterback.
    •Having an entire movie of pointless character setups just to kill them.


    by,
    UberRed

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