Saturday, January 07, 2006

 

  • Frankenfish
  • Sci-Fi channel....I love you. The only problem is, you cut out all the good parts and force me to watch the DVD. So that is what I did for Frankenfish. I must say, this movie helped me have more faith in the crappy movie. After watching Boa vs Python followed up by Leprechaun in the Hood, I was about to poke my eyes out. ANYWAY, on to the review.

    Frankenfish is based on this bad guy who genetically enhances salmon so he can hunt them for sport. But then one of his friends "takes it too far", thus creating a frankenfish. This "fish" has super hunting powers, can breathe out of water, totally dominates alligators, and is hung like a rhino. I'm getting a little excited. Well, the players in this movie are a lame Nick Cannon clone, some biologist in a bikini top, 2 cajun nudists (potheads), some voodoo lady, her daughter w/jerk off boyfriend, and Ricardo, the hardcore Vietnam vet, and Elmer. I'll save you a bunch of time here. Frankenfish eats Elmer, bites the head off of cajun nudist guy, then eats cajun nudist girl. Ricardo kills Frankenfish and eats his heart. Then ANOTHER Frankenfish eats Ricardo, and sets his house boat on fire. Then the house shoots bikini biologist in the face with a shotgun from 50 yards away. Frankenfish bites voodoo lady in half. All thats left is Nick Cannon Clone, daughter, and jerk off boyfriend. You get all that? ok good.

    Then the bad guys show up, Frankenfish properly eats one of the them, then throws another into the prop of a fanboat. Bloody guts and spatter are flung all about. So a couple of the bad guys and the other three players leave to finish the hunt. They find MegaFrankenfish, who eats the 2 bad guys, then chases the 3 players in a fanboat. Jerk off boyfriend falls out gets eatin by little Frankenfishes, and Nick Cannon clone and daughter trick MegaFrankenfish by slamming theboat into some trees and it jumps into the fanboat being chopped to pieces.

    There was no plot to this movie at all. Just crappy CGI, the standard gratuitous nudity scene, and as myself and UberRed realized, a deep moral, teaching us that genetic animal enhancement is WRONG!

    Memorable Moments
    • Cajun pothead nudist guy flopping about after his head gets bitten off
    • Well timed comic relief by jerk off boyfriend (yeah right)
    • Shot gun laying on the ground, shooting girl in the face
    • "I know how to get out of here, we just need to" BOOMM...... (see moment #3)

    by UberBrian

    Comments:
    what would sci-fi channel do with out geneticly engineered animals? that does account for about 2/3 of all there movies. by the way, way does every animal that has been geneticly engineered always have to eat people? why couldnt one do good and only eat girls bras, boa -vs- python touched on this (see review) but i think it is about time that one of them does good to mankind and not eat them.
     
    The house shoots bikini girl?

    How does that work?
     
    "The house shoots bikini girl?

    How does that work?"

    hehehe we and the people in the movie were all wondering the same thing.

    But the shotgun was in a fire on the porch.
     
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